Women

Men also have certain expectations of women.

Television Autopilot

 * No woman shall converse with a man while he is within line-of-sight of a television. When watching television, a man is in the vulnerable state of autopilot. The man will say anything to get the woman to stop talking, but will not be conscious of what is said. He will not even remember having a conversation.

Television Accountability

 * No woman shall hold a man accountable for anything he says within line-of-sight of a television. In this altered state of consciousness, a man will say illogical and often misleading things. He will agree to unreasonable demands and have no recollection of doing so. A woman who makes demands of such a vulnerable man is manipulative and should not be trusted.

Video Game Autopilot/Accountability

 * Flow-like states of autopilot can also be induced by video games. The above two rules apply during states of video-game autopilot.

Chick Flicks

 * No woman shall require a man to like a chick flick. A man may be willing to watch a chick flick with a woman, provided there is at least some cuddling involved. see The Hookup Women are expected to pay their man for viewing chick flicks with sex. The current ratio of sex to chick flick is 5:2 (exluding the condom factor)

Fair Trade

 * A woman shall suffer through one action movie for every 1/2 of a chick flick she makes a guy suffer though. Men know women do not like action movies, which only further proves their inferiority. Women know men do not like chick flicks. Nobody cares.

Christmas Presents

 * When asked "What do you want for Christmas?" any woman who replies with, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want," gets an PS3, Alienware Gaming Computer or Xbox One. No questions asked.

Thinking

 * No woman shall ask a man what he is thinking. 90% of the time, he's thinking of nothing. 9% of the time, he's thinking about sex. The last 1% of the time, you don't want to know what he's thinking. If a man answers this question and you like his answer, it's because he's really good at making something up on the fly.

Only Possible Answer

 * There are occasions where telling the truth will lead to absolutely NO good, it can plunge you into the depths of anger, hurt feelings, hysteria, chaos, or any combination af the above. So when a woman asks an impossible question, a man shall give the Only Possible Answer, even if it involves a 'little white lie'. These questions qualify (add to list as you see fit):


 * Do these pants make my ass look fat? (Only answer 'Yes' if at a store and she hasn't bought them yet.)
 * Do you think she is prettier than me?
 * Do you have more fun with your friends than with me?
 * Were you looking at HER?!? (Correct answer = "Eww ... yeah.")

Chick Mullet

 * No woman shall bear a mullet, for the chick-mullet (AKA femullet) is more frightening than the dude-mullet.

Femhawk

 * No woman under any circumstances shall bear a mohawk, its impractical, you all ready have our attention, and it takes way to long to get a new hair style.

Wrapping Paper

 * When unwrapping a gift, please tear the wrapping paper. You're not going to reuse it. The only alternative to tearing the wrapping paper is using explosives to obliterate the package. Of course, this technique should only be used on gifts from mother-in-laws and co-workers.

Two Emotions

 * Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.